Columbia's Disingenuous Response to Banning the Band from Playing at Sporting Events

The University's official canned response to angry alumni concerning the decision to ban the Columbia University Marching Band from performing at sporting events is below, along with appropriate commentary.


From Peter Piling, Athletic Director


{insert name of alumnus}

Thank you for writing and for giving me the opportunity to clarify some of the information that has emerged in reports about the Columbia University Marching Band (“CUMB”) and its relationship with Columbia Athletics. Specifically, the determination that, as presently organized, the CUMB will not perform at athletics events in 2019-20. [Clarify here means putting President Bollinger's spin on the ugly truth.]

We recognize that the news this week regarding the band is disappointing to some alumni, including many former CUMB members. But we want to make sure that everyone understands the current situation in full. [Oh, we understand the situation.  The assault on the Band is President Bollinger's personal crusade to silence speech he finds inconvenient and annoying.]

The athletics program has always been straightforward with band leadership about the relationship of the band to Columbia Athletics.  Traditionally, the CUMB has been granted access and admission to our contests. However, since the band is no longer recognized by the College and is not recognized by a student government activity board at present, the athletics program cannot allow the band access to our events. [This is complete horse manure.  For at least the past five decades, the CUMB was not "recognized by a student government activity board."  The Band's funding came from other sources, which is the only reason any organization on campus is "registered" with the administrative body that governs and hands out funds to student clubs and organizations.  When President Bollinger pulled the Band's funding as punishment for pushing back against his decision to try to kill Orgo Night, the Band was not kicked out of any "student government activity board;" they had not been a part of one.  Thus, the Athletic Department for decades provided funding to the Band and allowed the Band to perform when they were not an "official" student activity.  Therefore, the current decision to prohibit the Band from performing at athletic events has nothing to do with any change in the Band's status as a "recognized" student group.  It has only to do with the fact that President Bollinger has decreed that the Band should be suppressed.] We support our colleagues across campus in the decision to insist upon the band’s compliance with the rules governing student groups as a condition of continued affiliation with the University. [See above -- this is disingenuous obfuscation.  The "colleagues across campus" reference is to Low Library.  The AD does what the President says.  We understand that.  The AD has no power to stand up to Low Library, and cannot even object when President Bollinger makes him the errand boy for responding to angry alumni with a canned load of excrement that was clearly written by the office of the President.]

The decision to move forward this year with alternate performance options stemmed directly from the prevailing uncertainty regarding CUMB’s future, and our need to prepare in advance of the current football season. [There was no uncertainty.  President Bollinger orchestrated and planned this all along.  If the University wanted to have a marching band at football games, then there would be a band.  Here, the University wants to silence the Band, and so the Band has been silenced.]  We have confirmed arrangements for a number of alternate musical entertainment organizations for this season. [Good luck with that.  You can teach the Mahwah High School marching band to play Roar, Lion, Roar!, but you will miss having the band in the stands revving up the sparse football crowd and providing enthusiasm all the way to the last play regardless of the final score.]

As Columbia Football—and the athletics program, in general—continues to achieve success on the field of play, our athletics leadership believes that there is a tremendous opportunity to redefine the musical programs provided to support and enhance our events. [When the women's basketball team plays a 4:00 start on a Saturday afternoon and the Band is not there providing music and cheers, you can explain to the players' parents and friends who come to watch that the Athletic Department doesn't have funding to hire alternate musical talent to show up for a women's game.  Tell them to come back for the men's game, when the hired horns will be there.] We look forward to continuing to address this issue to meet the needs of our athletes, our fans, and the entire university community. [There is an easy way -- reinstate the Band.  You won't do that, because President Bollinger has decreed it, but "addressing the issue" is so obviously doublespeak here for "President Bollinger has decided that the Band must be silenced, and we just hope that our alumni will forget about this ugly incident and won't stop making contributions to the school."  The answer to both those hopes is -- there is a better chance that ice molecules will take a solid crystalline form in the realm of Persephone.]

Sincerely, 

Peter Pilling [a/k/a Prezbo's Lackey]